Working to Be a Leader

On Thursday, March 12, 2009, I was invited to be the moderator for a panel discussion during the Third Annual “Pearls of Wisdom:  Women’s Leadership Conference” held at Baruch College, the nation’s most diverse campus.

 Caroline Lee, President of the Collegiate Association of Women in Business (right), led a wonderful and energetic team of undergraduate students including Sufia Farha (left) in organizing and putting on this event.  Sufia and I met last year when I also moderated the panel.

The keynote presenter was Mariela Dabbah, author of Latinos in College and other books on career advancement, job search, and education.  The focus of her talk was on ways to navigate the American system in order to succeed in this economy.  An energetic speaker, she engaged the audience to speak up and ask questions—and to continue to do so in the workplace.

Panelists included Karen Nethersole, Esq., CEO and Founder of Full Circle NY; Deborah Papson, Executive Director of the Investment Bank Risk Managment Team for JPMorgan; Susan Schulz, Special Projects Editor of Hearst Magazine; and Theresa Torres, Director for Diversity and Employee Experience for Verizon Communications.

Although the panelists had reviewed the questions beforehand, they indulged my request to go “off script” and answer specific questions for the audience of what looked like over 100 women and men. 

One of those questions was:  “What are three skills that college students should develop to be relevant in the new economy?”  All the panelists had terrific ideas.  Here’s a list of some of them:  1)  Know exactly what you want when you go into an interview; 2) persevere and don’t give up; 3) be open to learning; 4) knowledge is a great equalizer; 5) with reduced staffing, team work becomes more important and allows individuals to be in the spotlight; and 6) our current economic circumstances can create great opportunities if you have the right attitude.

Theresa suggested that individuals have disciplined passion to pursue what you love and enjoy doing.

It was great to have the opportunity to hear these and other “pearls of wisdom.” 

One more note:  there were more men in attendance this year than last.  During a reception after the program, I asked a student, “Why?” She said basically because the school environment is so diverse.  When students enter as freshmen, they are immediately in a “United Nations” of cultures, races, and ethnicities.  That carries over to gender and the ability to work together on class projects, events, and other activities.  This generation of students at Baruch seems to be on the right track to be great leaders!

“How did you get so smart?”  A client asked me that question during her coaching session.  She wasn’t the first to wonder how someone with a master’s degree in early childhood education got so wise that she’s advising Cs-to-Be and other leaders as they navigate their ways through corporate environments.  (Read more about Cs-to-Be.)

Many factors contributed to me gaining workplace intelligence while working to be a leader.

A main factor is my willingness to be open to growth.  To learn about the world around me.  To understand organizational behavior when I was just a temporary secretary at the investment bank Lazard Freres & Co. and Hertz Rent-A-Car Company.

Carol Dweck, the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University in California, spent three decades studying “how people think about intlligence and talent,” Janet Rae-Dupree wrote in, “If You’re Open to Growth, You Tend to Grow” (New York Times, July 6, 2008).

“People who believe in the power of talent tend not to fulfill their potential because they’re so concerned with looking smart and not making mistakes.  But people who believe that talent can be developed are the ones who really push, stretch, confront their own mistakes and learn from them.”

Ms. Dweck’s quote above summarizes the efforts I see by leaders, like the client above, who want to take on new challenges.  They want to continue to draw on their own resources and experiences to challenge themselves throughout their careers.

When temping, I had to put my ego aside and focus on what I wanted to learn.  It worked.  I can translate what I learned to my coaching clients so that they can be more effective leaders.

Are you open to growth?  Try it.  It will help make you smarter.

In early February, I had the pleasure to meet Joe Pantoliano, an actor best known for his role as Ralph Cifaretto on the Sopranos.  I remember him most as Eddie Moscone, the bail bondsman in the movie Midnight Run starring Robert DeNiro and Charles Grodin.

Like me, Joe attended a seminar on “Executives at Risk and Addiction in the Workplace” sponsored by Lee Hecht Harrison featuring Joseph A. Califano, Jr., Founding Chair and President of The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) at Columbia University.  (More on what I learned in another post.) 

At the end of the program, Joey Pants (as some call him) announced a new initiative he’s started, No Kidding, MeToo!

The mission posted on his website is, “No Kidding, Me Too! is an organization whose purpose is to remove the stigma attached to brain dis-ease through education and the breaking down of societal barriers.  Our goal is to empower those with brain dis-ease to admit their illness, seek treatment, and become even greater members of society.”

When I went to the NKM2 website, I looked at the list of brain dis-eses and noticed one was missing:  borderline personality disorder.  I’m very familiar with that disorder.

My company’s mission is to help leaders level the playing field of obstacles blocking optimum workplace performance and career advancement.

The mission evolved from my own battle to remove a significant hindrance while working to be a leader:  borderline personality disorder (BPD).  BPD is a serioius mental illness that is diagnosed more often than schizophrenia or bipolar (manic-depressive illness) combined.

Recent research shows a prevalence of BPD in nearly six percent of adult Americans—which translates to 18 million who experience poor self-image, impulsivity, rage, bodily self-harm, recurrent suicidal behavior, unstable relationships, and frequent career changes.

Among other approaches to my recovery, I read books about others who suffered and recovered from mental illness.  Dr. Kay Redfield Jamison writes about her history of manic-depressive illness in An Unquiet Mind:  A Memoir of Mood and Madness.  She states, “As the years went by I became more and more determined to pull out some good from all of the pain, to try and put my illness to some use.”  The author continues to say that tenure as a professor of psychiatry at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine was, “a symbol of stability I craved and the ultimate recognition I sought for having competed and survived in the normal world.”

One prominent symbol of my stability is my ”recognition” as an Adjunct Instructor teaching, “Employee Development and Training” to Human Resources majors within the Management Department at the Zicklin School of Business.  Zicklin, located in Manhattan, is part of Baruch College, the nation’s most ethnically diverse campus. 

Another is working with leaders who trust their careers to me.  It’s a trust I take very seriously.  It’s a trust I’ve earned working to be a leader and gaining workplace intelligence.

I’m making the decision to go public with my disorder to pull out some good from all the pain and put it to some use.  There is hope for those who have BPD.  There is hope for your talent and leadership effectiveness to emerge from behind the cloud of mental illness.  There is hope that your talent that can take you to places—and into leadership positions—you never thought possible.  There is hope for you to make valuable contributions to others.

Like Joey Pants, do not let the stigma of a mental illness or a fear of psychotherapy deter you from seeking help.   Help is out there.

One way you can find help about BPD is to visit National Education Alliance for Borderline Personliaty Disorder.  There you will find information and resources on this serious mental illness. 

In August 2008, I wrote a couple of posts here that included the name Rusty Kanokogi, a member of the International Women’s Sports Hall of Fame of the Women’s Sports Foundation. 

The year before that, I had interviewed Rusty for an article I wrote to mark the 35th anniversary of Title IX mandating equality in educational activities and opening the door for girls and young women to receive equal funding for sports activities.

Rusty is a coach who demonstrates how sports can transform a life and the power of commitment to equality on the playing field—er judo mat.

“Fighter for her Sport Has Own Battle,” read the headline in the Sports section of The New York Times on Tuesday, February 17, 2009.  Rusty, Joshua Robinson reported, has kidney failure and multiple myeloma, a rare cancer of the blood.

“I’ll always fight for what I think is fair,” Rusty is quoted by Robinson.

The article takes an in-depth look at Rusty’s life fighting for fairness in judo.  It’s a good story.  One I hope has a happy ending for Rusty.  She deserves it.  She’s a great leader and role model.

Has your dream job dissolved?

Has your dream of finding a new job in your field become fainter with each passing day?

Has your resiliency to live your dream been weakened by the economic crisis?

It’s time to design new dreams.  To envision how you can take what you do have—skills, talents, commitment—and take advantage of new opportunities.

The first step in doing that is to mourn your loss of dreams.  I recently picked up a book I read a few years ago, Ted Bowman’s, Loss of Dreams:  A Special Kind of Grief, because it articulates what I’ve been feeling.  What I thought was there simply isn’t.  Something intangible has been taken away.  The dream of the future I had constructed for myself is gone.

Have you experienced a loss of dreams?

Think about it:  job loss.  That’s a loss not just of income.  It’s a loss of a place to go each day, to continue relationships with colleagues you’ve grown to know—and hopefully—enjoy being with during the work day.  It’s a loss of self-esteem.  Now when you are asked what you do for a living, do you say, “In transition,” and feel a loss of identification with an employer or location where you worked.  It’s loss of the potential you may have dreamed about at the company, that move up to a leadership role that gave you more responsibility but also a bigger title and lots of challenging projects you knew you could manage.

Loss of dreams is real.  Acknowledge your loss, mourn your loss, grieve for the loss of what you had.

Now it’s time for the second step:  to design new dreams.  Don’t give up hope or faith in realizing your dreams.  Just put them in perspective, rearrange priorities, or readjust your attitude.  That’s right.  An attitude adjustment.  What you said you would never do again, just might be your solution to success.

My ego told me that I didn’t want to be a secretary or even a temporary secretary.  I had a master’s degree and didn’t want to sit at a desk answering phones for someone else.  Yet, many times when my financial situation told me I had to get a job, being a temporary secretary was a successful way to earn income—and more!

Temping helped me survive recessions and tough financial times, learn about business, and understand the nuances of leadership.  The longest I ever temped—or worked for one company—was from 1989 to 1994.  That’s when I sat at the right hands of the gods of Wall Street within the quiet giant of global finance, Lazard Freres & Co.

My hourly rate paid the bills, overtime helped pay my mortgage, and a bonus the last two years I was there validated the extra effort I put into each assignment at the firm.

The flexibility of temping also worked to give me time to design new dreams.  “Temp by day, professor at night!” a permanent secretary called me.  And I was.

During one long-term assignment at Lazard, I took every Tuesday off to teach a college course at the School of New Resources in the South Bronx.  Two evenings a week, I taught “Public Relations,” and “Business Math,” at New York City Technical College, and also writing for Continuing and Professional Studies at Baruch College.  Both schools are part of the City University of New York (CUNY).

It was a few months after I started temping at Lazard that I formulated part of my dream career:  to train leaders how to be more effective.  Like a student at the business school I could afford, I made lists of effective and ineffective behaviors that leaders demonstrated, devised my own 360 assessments of how partners performed, and, by moving around from department to department, achieved an understanding of organizational behavior.

Today, I’m an Adjunct Instructor teaching “Employee Development and Training,” for Human Resources majors in the Management Department at the Zicklin School of Business, part of Baruch College.   My company, Leadership Training Room, helps leaders level their playing fields of obstacles blocking optimum performance and career advancement with coaching and consulting services.  And I write level playing field special reports to educate professionals with ways to enhance their competencies.

I love what I do.  I can’t say that I loved every day of temping.  What I can say is that my attitude adjustment that led to and kept me temping, helped me survive so that today I can thrive.

When designing your new dreams, make certain that your attitude toward what you won’t do doesn’t keep you from doing something that will foster your career development.

Ronda Rousey is the first American woman to win an Olympic medal in judo.  Thanks to the efforts of people like Rusty Kanogoki (see previous blog on Rusty), women’s judo became a demonstration sport at the 1988 Olympics in Seoul, South Korea, and a medal sport at the 1992 Olympics held in Barcelona, Spain.  Rousey earned her medal a day ago in Beijing, China.  Congratulations!

Today the New York Times profiled Ronda Rousey in their story, ” A Journey Out of Pain, Through Judo” (www.nytimes.com). Glancing at the front page of the Sports section to get a more in-depth look at those leading in the competition in Beijing, I was most interested in the Rousey article.

I know a leader who fought to get women’s judo an official Olympic sport. A responsible woman who, knowing how judo made such a positive difference in her life, wanted to make that opportunity available for women on a global scale.

“Girl Gang Leader Breaks Olympics Judo Ceiling,” read the headline I wrote to capture the many facets of the life of Rusty Kanokogi (Shattered Magazine, June 2007 available at www.ltr-nyc.com/LeaderResources.html). “I had a very dysfunctional childhood growing up in Coney Island, Brooklyn, in the 1950’s,” offered the daughter of Russian Jewish parents. “An aggressive girl with no outlets,” she organized and led a girl gang until an aunt suggested another option: judo.

Kanokogi was drawn to judo because it was an outlet for her energy. Her studies took her to Japan and she began teaching judo to men and boys when she returned. There were few girls taking judo. Kanokogi told me, “Women’s judo was just developing and although there were some countries like France, Great Britain, Switzerland, and West Germany that held competitions for women, the US wasn’t considered part of the judo world. I thought it should be.”

She made it her mission to see that women could compete equally. A mission that took her all the way to the Olympics. Although men’s judo had been an Olymic sport since 1964, women were not allowed to compete in judo. During the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles, California, Kanokogi led the team presenting the case for women’s judo to be included. The response of the International Olympic Committee (IOC) wasn’t encouraging. The IOC declared, “It’s not good for women to participate in contact sports.”

Kanokogi and her colleagues brought a lawsuit against the IOC. The case never got to court, she said, because, “We could prove that we were being discriminated against.” When the 1988 Olympic Games were held in Seoul, South Korea, women’s judo was included as a demonstration sport.  By 1992, women’s judo became a medal sport.

At the time of our interview, Kanogoki was a seventh-degree black belt in judo, the highest ranked American woman and one of only three or four women to achieve this ranking in the world at the time of our interview. That could have changed by now. What hasn’t changed is the determined woman’s belief that what she got from judo was more precious than any medal.

“Judo saved my life. It put me on the right road. It gave me structure when I needed it. Also a husband (she met during one of her trips to Japan). Great kids. And grandchildren,” she said.

She also gave Ronda Rousey the opportunity to go for the gold in judo today in Beijing. I wish her well.

How do you lead people to change their behavior? To see the possibilities of moving in a new direction?

I don’t have all the answers. I have a good example what happened when I went in a new direction.

My back ‘went out’ and my doctor sent me to physical therapy. Included in my routine was walking backwards on a treadmill. Try it. It’s not that easy. Walking backwards requires balance — especially when you do it ‘hands free’ by not holding on to the side bars, swing your arms back and forth, and increase your walking speed. After ten or so physical therapy sessions, I continued the routine of walking backwards on one of the many treadmills at my health club.

“Do you know you’re walking in the wrong direction?” was just one of the many comments I heard from trainers, strangers, and friends. No one else ever walked backwards on the treadmill. I was the exception. An odd person. Going against the norm, standing out, being different, introducing a change in how equipment could be used.

Nevertheless, I kept up my routine. There were enough positives — walking backwards was easier on my knees and helped to strengthened my back — that I had to risk being the one people noticed. I could still watch the TV up on a wall, easily talk to friends who were lunging by carrying heavy weights, or pedaling stationary bicycles.

There is one caution I have for you if — or when — you try walking backwards: stay focused on what you are doing. On more than one occasion I got carried away and almost walked off the treadmill!

Over a period of a few months, I starting noticing small changes at my health club. A trainer had his new client get on the treadmill and walk backwards. I saw someone else try it out cautiously on her own. Recently a woman came up to me and said, “I’m curious, why do walk backwards on the treadmill?” I told her. She said, “I have a really bad back….” I saw her trying to walk backwards a few days later.

How do you lead in a new direction? Do you risk being different? To stand out by taking a risk to enact a positive change? Sharing that information with others? Being a leader who introduces an innovative use of existing resources?

If not, I encourage you to try it. The rewards aren’t just for you.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007, marks the second anniversary of when Hurricane Katrina made landfall in New Orleans. Print, TV, radio, and Internet news sources are running stories of the ordeal, the aftermath, and the future of the area.

I’ve heard people here in NYC say that they are tired of hearing about Katrina, don’t want to donate or be approached to give money, and desire to move on to other things. Katrina fatigue has set in.

Hearing first hand the ongoing sagas of people fighting for their rights, their land, their livelihoods, their lives, I’m still energized to do my part to help rebuild New Orleans, Louisiana (NOLA).

I never lived in NOLA, have no relatives there, had wanted to but never visited, and really felt no affinity for the location before two years ago today. It was watching the tragedy unfold for hours on CNN that made me change my mind. I knew watching that I wanted to help. I knew that I wanted to make a difference. I knew that I wasn’t certain how to make that happen.

It wasn’t until almost nine months later that I found a perfect fit for my organizational development and coaching skills.

In April 2006, I read in an email that Community Church Unitarian Universalist-New Orleans was seeking help with internal organization before taking the steps of rebuilding. A smart move. One that I could help them make.

My work was focused during two long weekends — one in June and one in December — during which I presented customized workshops for leaders and the entire congregation. To reinforce and support their processes, I act as a coach and consultant for leaders via telephone and email.

I’ve heard stories from individuals, saw the devastation, gained an understanding of their problems. I also went to the New Orleans Art Museum and sculptor garden that somehow survived Katrina almost unscathed. I went to a New Orleans Saints football game in the refurbished SuperDome and cheered for the home team (my niece Tomi Sue was with me and she was rooting for the 49er’s who lost that day). I ate alligator quiche and listened to jazz in the French Quarter.

It’s been two years since Hurricane Katrina devastated the region, took close to 2,000 lives, and left permanent scars on the psyche of the survivors. The reality of NOLA’s future sets in hearing how long it is taking for the rebuilding to happen. It becomes easy to think, “Is the system too challenged to meet the needs of the residents? Will an entirely ‘new’ New Orleans emerge with a different profile of residents? What is the real price the residents of NOLA will pay for Katrina?”

Monday, August 27, my spirits were lifted when out of the blue I received an email from another volunteer, Claire Houston, a photographer who had been to NOLA to take pictures like the one at the top of the devastation. Last weekend she had been at Community Church’s website and read that I was mentioned as being part of their rebuilding/healing process. She wrote to me, “I wanted to thank you again for making the trip and offering your communication skills to help the congregation focus and prioritize their next steps.”

There is agreement in NOLA that the churches will help bring back NOLA. My hope and energy will continue to go into helping the residents in NOLA fight their Katrina fatigue, stay connected with concerned outsiders like me to do something, and work to rebuild a city of strength.

Claire’s email has reaffirmed my commitment and energized me in the process.

How will you fight your Katrina fatigue?

I don’t know how. I attribute that to the fact that I was only 5 when I became an aunt for the first time. The youngest of nine, I grew up with my eleven nieces and nephews in a relationship more like a cousin.

Through the years, I’ve tried to be a good aunt — even a great aunt now that my nieces and nephews are having children of their own. We’ve kept in touch, been estranged, then gathered back together for weddings, births, funerals. Recently, I’ve gotten into the habit of sending cards to all my family members for Valentine’s Day, Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Often, I wouldn’t hear back but that wasn’t why I sent the cards. I was reaching out to say, “I love you.”

In 2006, I took on the leadership of planning a family reunion. Six of my nieces and nephews showed up with their families for a wonderful evening of sharing and a day of joyous fun at Disneyland.

This year, I decided I’d add in a summer ‘touch’ to fill out my calendar of family cards. It was on my mind and even my to-do-list but got easily pushed aside for business and the renovation, renovation, renovation of my home.

On June 30, I got a surprise when I opened an envelope that I could see was from my nephew John. The cover of the folded card was a summer theme with an image of a lighthouse and seagulls flying around it. Inside the card was his message printed in large block printed capital letters JUST SENDING SOME SUMMER GREETINGS YOUR WAY with John written in script.

The last time I got a piece of correspondence from John, 47 and living in Crescent City, California, was a Christmas card about ten years ago. It made me happy to receive his card and I wanted to send him – and my other family members – a card as well.

On Monday, July 30, I finally decided on green note paper with a blue trim and matching envelopes. I found my Henderson family list printed out from Outlook and put my navy roller ball pen next to the stack of cards sitting on a box of photo paper on which I would print pictures of my renovated home.

Tuesday afternoon on July 31, I got a call from one of John’s sisters that he had passed away. Calling other relatives to tell them of John’s death, each one I spoke with said, “But I just received a card from him.”

I’m putting my supplies back in a drawer. John’s summer card has said it all.

My leadership lessons from this are many. What’s more important is that I realize the importance of continuing my education on how to aunt.